A HubNuggets Guide to the Galaxy

Ship's Log, United Federation of Pages HubShip Hubbertise, Stardate 03.26.2010, Gamma Quadrant: Tactical Officer RedElf reporting:

The Vogon Constructor Fleet nearly consumed our Hubcraft in their quest to dot the margins of their interstellar Highway with luxury, designer planets. Only some quick maneuvering by Pilot Ripplemaker kept us from a crushing end. Twisted hulks of deconstructed space-liners litter the shoulders of the super highway in this quadrant - a mute testament to the insanity of indiscriminate inter-galactic paving. Hopefully, diverting the Vogons to S--Murphystan will derail their agenda, at least for a time, if our experience there was anything to go by.

But I digress... We escaped unscathed, and Captain Anderson with Science Officer PI 3.1417hub1417hub have donned spacesuits to check the hull for damage, while Commander Evilpants and his sidekick, Ensign "HubNuggets" Hank, have repaired to the spirits locker, where they are conducting an inventory of our ales, beers, wines, and "hard likker" (that, I believe, is the term they used). We are still all feeling a bit "blue" but the commander and Ensign Hanks are the last of us to lose their taste for Curacao.

It is their third such inventory, and Security Chief Zsuzsy Bee is keeping a close eye on the pair, especially since the Australian Ale incident in the "Casino At The Edge Of The Universe", which resulted in the untimely disappearance of RIpplemaker. True, we did find her, three days later, in a little-used storeroom below the aft, after deck, discussing self esteem with a passing Betelgeusian who sensed her positivity and beamed over to chat.

<The mellifluous voice of the ship's computer breaks in, politely.>

"Excuse me, Officer RedElf, I have Mission Control on subspace..."

"Certainly, put them through - Greetings, Admiral Menayan, Commander Ruud..."

"Greetings, Officer Elf. Great news on your team's last consignment of HubNugget Wannabes - Marketing is thrilled with the high quality of the Wannabees. Commander Ruud and her people have been communicating awesomely about them! Well done! My compliments to Captain Anderson and the entire team!"

"Thank you, sirs," I began, wisely refraining from asking Admiral Menayan if his "tan" was beginning to fade, just as Commander Ruud broke in.

"Maddie here, kitty - we've been reviewing Captain Anderson's report of your mission to the Gamma Quadrant. You'll need to be extra vigilant. We wouldn't care to have any Wannabees accidentally paved over."

"Certainly, Commander," I replied, snapping to attention.

"...and, kitty, stay out of the men's room. Commander Evilpants says you're making Ensign Hank nervous. As illuminating as your videographies of the cubical doors were - and in all fairness, they received some of the highest ratings ever on ViewTube - you'll have to record your historical data in more conventional settings from now on. Mission Control out."

I could feel myself blushing to the roots of my fur. Thankfully, Captain Anderson and Science Officer PI were still working on the hull repairs. Both the captain and the science officer were extremely supportive of my historiographical interests, but of late the Science Officer seems preoccupied with some research of her own, and often mutters about "sugaring the lobsters".

She and Chief Bee have been poring over some ancient texts they unearthed back at our last stop. They've run the texts through every linguistics program we have, but so far, they have only been able to decode a small segment of the long-dead language. We are not sure of the significance of the answer yet - the segment just repeats the same thing over and over. (Kinda reminds me of Science Officer PI's full name.) Perhaps if we knew the right question to ask, the number "42" would have more meaning.

The captain suggested they run it through Ripplemaker's universal translator - the one she used to inter-galactically publish her mega-blockbuster self-help manuals. You've probably read them: "Finding your Inner Alien", "I'm OK, You're an Alien", and "Embrace Your Inner Alien". Ripplemaker is off just now, zipping ahead in her new hubship, spreading joy and looking for HubNugget Wannabees to notify. She also said something about cheering up a depressed robot named Marvin.

<Science Officer PI rushes in, side arm at the ready>

"Captain Anderson needs us on the bridge, Officer Elf. Bring the disinto-T-ray."

"Wow, she means business," I thought. The newly developed weapon-of-mass-de-construction temporarily dis-integrates anything it is pointed at, storing the offending organism in a "time-out" capsule until it calms down and promises to behave.

As I followed the Sci-PI (that's our affectionate nick-name for Science Officer PI 3.1417hub1417hub) to the bridge carrying the heavy ray-gun and a very, very, very long extension cord to plug it in (the Hubbertise is a great ship, but the only plug-in is in the galley) we could hear the sounds of a scuffle and loud voices shouting "Don't panic!"

We arrived to see a strange trio backed into one corner of the bridge. Commander Evilpants and Ensign Hank were pelting them with root vegetables from the galley cooler (which just happens to be located next to the spirits locker).

I stayed out from underfoot, having had my tail stepped on more than once in the last of these frays and quickly scampered down seventeen decks, heading for the galley with the extension cord to plug in the disinto-T-ray. Meanwhile, Chief Bee threw herself bravely into the melee, alongside Science Officer PI and our two brave lads.

After Captain Anderson and Sci-PI rescued the hapless intruders from the rain of vegetables, we recognized one as Ford Prefect, the Betelgeusian we'd met in the aft, after-cabin, chatting with Ripplemaker.

He explained that he and his two friends, Arthur, a Terran, and a two-headed chap by the name of Zaphod, merely wanted to hitch a ride out of the Gamma Quadrant. Their space ship, the fastest in theie galaxy, had broken down, and they were desperate to get back to Earth.

The three were disappointed when Chief Bee explained it was against Hub Fleet policy to pick up hitchhikers, but Captain Anderson offered a tow to our next port of call, as long as they would all behave so we could deliver our cargo, and head in for re-fit. Then everyone would be able to get down to the serious business of reading the latest batch of HubNugget Wannabees, and then voting for their favorites.

To be eligible for HubNugget consideration, you must have accomplished the following (4) things:

• have joined Hub Pages within the last three months (90 days),
• have an author score of 75 or better
• have published within the last 7 weeks, on one of the featured topics,
• and that hub must have a hub score of 55 or greater.

Check out Shirley Anderson's hub - here - for more information on how to become eligible.

If you're not a member, why not join now? It's fun, it's free, and it only takes a few minutes.

Original images by Elle Fredine, from wallpaper at tip-kit.com and photo at thefilmist.wordpress.com

© 2010, Text by Elle Fredine, All rights reserved