Dogs Have Owners - Cats Have Staff: Cat 'O My Heart

Those most fortunate among us to be called as staff to more than one of these delightful, furry rulers, already know the some-time joys of servitude. We recognize the querulous tone that clearly tells us whatever is in the fridge is much more inviting than what is in the dish.

We understand that all things are done according to the current whim. Realizing that the feline is, after all, nocturnal by nature, we have played the 'In-and-Out' Game at foolish-o'clock in the morning, and in the pitch-dark of a chill and rainy night.

We celebrate Robert Heinlein's masterly grasp of feline motivation in "The Doorway To Summer", wherein he relates how, throughout the winter season, the protagonist's feline ruler would search tirelessly from door to door, certain that if he persisted, one day, one of those doors would finally open into more suitable weather.

Honored presence, timeless elegant repose,

Limpid gaze on mortals bent,

Errant flick of tail, one cast-back ear

Records slight rustlings gone unnoticed by us lesser breeds;

Sublime, contained, unknowable, aloof;

Soft and warm,

You stretch and turn with fluid grace,

Reward my proffered hand with velvet touch,

And bless my bended form with utmost grace -

Nose kisses...

Those of you whose delicate sensibilities have been offended by certain cat behaviors, such as the presentation of the behind, complete with arched tail, do not appreciate the compliment you have just been offered. There is absolutely no point in telling kitty that humans do not offer their butts to each other for sniffing - your cat will understand neither your reticence, nor your vain attempt to explain.

...and the rubbing against you, especially with the side of the face or mouth - they are "scenting" you - depositing their scent upon you so they can recognize you on your next encounter. The reason for this is poor eyesight - or, more accurately poor visual recognition of stationary objects.

I have been told that cats do not have good eyesight - at least not in the same way we humans do. Their eyes can detect the barest flicker of movement. At times it seems, their motion sensing ability is so acute they can actually detect very impulse or thought that precedes the movement. When it comes to facial recognition, however, kitty is at a distinct disadvantage. Kitty will respond to the sound of your voice long before actually identifying you as "their" staff.

To compensate for this, once you are identified as safe, or known, kitty will rub against you, to "scent" you as a familiar, or known, object in their environment. They will detect the scent far sooner than they can recognize you by sight. This tactic gives kitty the advantage of distance, to be able to safely flee or form some other stratagem of avoidance, should they come across an unfamiliar object or person.

You, who are yet unfamilliar with the daily round of indentured bliss, may need some guidelines to help you navigate these uncharted waters. Accordingly, a few terms have been listed below to further your understanding of things feline.

Cat-emology: n. Study of the origins of those words devoted particularly to things feline

Cat-scan: v. When a feline surveys the territory over which it has dominion, usually from a high place

Cat-ography: n. [der: pho-tography] Fascination with all things feline, characterized by the incessant recording on film or in digital media of every feline pose and whisker twitch

see also: n. [der: bi-ography] Story of a feline's nine lives, general assumed to be exciting and worthy of many re-tellings

see also: n. [der: ge-ography] Study of land of origin of feline's ancestors; not to be confused with,

Cat-eology: n. Study of origins of feline's family and ancestors

Cat-ligraphy: n. Sometimes mistaken for furniture damage, these marks are variously interpreted as sign of feline displeasure ("We are very annoyed with our staff today, and we most definitely are not amused."), or the desire for a larger territory to oversee, ("We told you, we wished to be let out.") The definitive Rosetta stone for these markings has yet to be unearthed

Cat-atonic: n. Something that perks up the feline, similar to "Spring tonic" for humans - not to be confused with human musical terminology

see also: n. Rigid, unmoving pose sometimes accompanied by a concentrated gaze at a fixed point or by typical hunting posture precursors such as ear-flattening or tail-twitches

see also: n. Seemingly boneless, and contorted or uncomfortable-appearing posture of deep sleep

Cat-o: n. proper, Ka' toh Name bestowed upon famous Roman philosopher to commemorate his abiding love of all things feline

Cat-astrophy: Command, imperative "Our dish is empty!"

see also: Command, imperative "Let us out, now!"

see also: Command, imperative "Our box has been used. It must be cleaned, now!"

My thanks for permission to display the likenesses of the three wonderful felines who currently enrich the life of a dear friend, and who graciously consented to sit for me.

From the top, they are Fox, a magnificent and gentle Maine Coon Cat / tri-color cross, Picasso, a short-haired tri-color Manx, who enjoys keyboarding and mousing, and Oly, a black and white short-haired Orca.