Domestic Violence: Words Against The Dark
78Domestic Violence
Domestic violence, particularly domestic violence against children, remains one of the least reported, yet most serious ills faced by families today. Some would have us believe that violence against children is on the rise. Certainly, cases that are reported often receive sensationalized coverage in the media. Sometimes, it seems every time we pick up a newspaper or turn on the television, another headline screams the lurid details of another abuser's victims.
Experts in children's services and child protection fields assert that this is not the reality of the situation. More cases are being reported, but many more go unnoticed by all except those directly involved. Some authorities believe that for every case of abuse that is investigated, as many as ten more go unreported.
Much like each new flu virus, domestic violence crosses all boundaries of class, education, race, income, and belief. It can appear in any neighborhood from the saddest ghetto to the poshest gated community - no group is immune.
It All Starts Somewhere...
This series of poems was inspired by the brave and vastly talented saddlerider1, who sometimes hides his grace behind the mantle of a simple Prairie farm boy.
I commented on one of his “writes,” a moving poem about abuse, that I had no words to offer. His words and images stuck in my mind, though, and I found that I did, in fact, have many, many words on the subject.
This one’s for you, Ken.
.
Can you tell which child will be abused? Pick a child - any child...
Angels kissed your cheek when you were born
And, rosy-bloomed, your innocence adorned;
They watched above your sleeping grace,
And prayed to keep you safe from harm,
Yet darkness stole your dreams
And broke the angels’ holy charm;
Angels wept the day your childhood died;
When tears you shed, the very heavens cried
Too feel your pain, to share your fears;
Who should have loved you harmed you most -
Who should have kept you safe -
And so died faith, and truth, and trust,
.
If I Had The Words...
If I had the words, I’d paint an azure sea
With rainbow clouds and peaceful shores,
Or rippling streams through verdant woods
Where only friendly creatures go;
If I had the words, I’d write a house
Of bricks and mortar - safe within -
And whitest curtains in the breeze
Waft gently ‘cross the painted sill
But words can’t block the golden bar beneath the door
Where shadows stalk the hall and footsteps stop, and stop, and stop...
No breath of sound - a silent prayer;
Wildly beating heart
And fiercely focused hope/despair -
“Please, I’m sleeping. Don’t wake me”
“Please, I’m sleeping.”
“Please,”
"Don't..."
.
Why talk about child abuse?
No-one wants to hear
What use are words?
Words can’t un-slap the cheek, un-twist the limb, un-break the bone;
Words can’t un-cry tears,
Words can’t un-tear flesh, un-sear mind, un-scar soul;
Can words unlock darkened rooms
Where silence, festering,
Breeds pain, breeds fear,
Breeds unanswered prayers, too many tears…
I have words and tears to write volumes, fill oceans
I have scars, unseen, un-healed;
You walk beside me every day -
You don’t see my scars
You don’t know my pain
Can words break chains?
Restore a soul?
Resurrect the spirit?
Help heart to trust again?
Thanks, also, to Pollyannalana, for your words (see comment below) which inspired these thoughts:
There's A Monster Under The Bed
There's a monster under my bed;
It comes every night, sometimes in the day;
It's 'our special secret' Daddy said -
I wish Mommy would keep the monster away...
There's a monster under my bed;
It comes when Mommy works all day;
The closet's dark and we're afraid,
But she says they'll take me and sister away...
There's a monster under my bed;
I told my teacher at school today
Why my eye was black and my arm's all red -
But she just looked sad and walked away...
There's a monster under my bed;
He says he loves me; he says some day
We'll leave this dump; we'll run away;
So I'd better find some 'friends' that pay....
There's a monster under my bed
He read the lesson in church today
Then hit me hard when dinner was late
But we're joined by God, so he'll always stay -
There's a monster under my bed;
My son works hard - he's too busy most days
To visit a useless old lady, he says;
He yells at me when I walk too slow,
He keeps my savings and pension, though;
He says, "It costly to care for you."
The nurses say, "You're lucky, you know,
That he ever visits you at all -
The way you complain, and the lies you tell..."
Is there a monster under your bed?
We can make a difference
If you or someone you know is being abused - speak up. Abuse thrives in silence. Abusers count on the fear and shame of their victims to keep the abuse secret. They tell their victims that they only do it because they love them. Sometimes they will claim to be sorry, or that they did what they did out of love, or for their victim's own good - or worse, that their victim deserved what was done to them..
Some victims of abuse and violence have been told the lies so often, they have begun to believe them.
Tell someone - a friend, a teacher, a nurse, a doctor, a social worker - keep on telling until someone listens to you and gets help. There are resources available - there are people out there who will help you, but you have to take the first step. Be brave - there is help.
If you think a child is being abused, do something! Talk to a professional. Do everything you can to get help for that child. You may feel uncomfortable - you may be called names and told to mind your own business. Become informed - become an advocate. Don't give up - a child is counting on you.
The monsters under the bed will never go away on their own - they will merely move on to greener pastures, to new victims. In the face of all the objections, all the lies, all the put-downs, and all the disbelief, we must drive the monsters into the light, and name them for what they truly are. Only then can we vanquish them, and watch them, and make sure they can never keep secrets in dark places again.
Some Helpful Links:
- Witness Justice: Welcome
Witness Justice is a national nonprofit organization committed to directly serving survivors of violent crime in the U.S. Our goal is to provide trauma victims and their loved ones with access to information and support to promote healing - Office for Victims of Crime
This help page from the Office for Victims of Crime provides summaries of domestic violence-related national organizations, programs, and online resources. - UNICEF - Child protection from violence
A small proportion of violence against children leads to death, but most often the violence does ... Child protection: UN study on violence against children ...
More on Domestic Violence
- Domestic Violence - How Does It Affect Our Children?
Domestic violence and domestic abuse are on the rise. - 2 years ago
- Domestic Violence - Are You A Victim of Abuse?
Domestic violence, spousal abuse, child abuse, elder abuse - we have all heard the words, and seen the stories on the news - the ultimate results of unchecked domestic violence. - 2 years ago
- Domestic Violence: Words Against The Dark
Domestic violence is one of the most serious crimes facing families today, yet remains one of the least reported. - 10 months ago
© 2011 Text by Elle Fredine, All rights reserved
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Good Grief - thanks for the heads-up, Pam, and glad you liked the poems. Domestic violence is something we need to talk about, loudly, and often - get it out of the shadows and the silence.
Truly a touching and thought-provoking hub, Elf. You are so right--abuse and abusers thrive in SILENCE!! Speak up, defend the defenseless. Good work, my friend.
Wonderful article and poem, RedElf.
Thanks so much, Paradise7. We must all speak out.
Thank you, too, Flora. So pleased you stopped by to read and comment.
What a totally incredible article you have written here. It is such a serious subject and desperately needs addressing. I too read Saddlerider's moving poem about abuse and can see how it stimulated you to write this fantastic hub.
Definitely voting this one up and pressing the appropriate buttons too.
I will tell you something startling, not once in the at least half dozen times has reporting abuse ever helped. Not with children and not with my elderly mother that took four years of it until they finally killed her. My own grandson and his 2 younger brothers (not mine) had their blonde locks shaved off and the babies ear was cut by their mothers boyfriend when she left the kids with them. I called Social Services, nothing, a Hotline, nothing, the police, he called me back to say the mother cut their hair not anyone else and the little boys ear wasn't bad. It had been about three weeks when I found it out and she had kept them out of daycare so they couldn't tell and the policeman did not speak to my grandson or he would have told him the truth! That is what is wrong to allow people to abuse, no one will do a thing and you tell me why? I could go on, some of these people who are paid to do something are idiots or could care less.
I am sure it always existed but it seemed to increase especially toward children. I know what it feel like. It is absolutely awful. Mine was psychological and towards our son. The memories and bitterness will never go away and it for children it is very destroying.
Thanks so much acaetnna. So pleased you stopped by and commented.
Pollyanna, I can see where that could make a person extremely bitter. I have come up against that as well, where telling someone did little or no good, and have seen serious complaints fall on deaf ears because people "didn't want to make waves" or to get anyone else upset.
People sometimes try to write you off as hysterical or meddling, and say "Well, things aren't really that bad," or "Oh, they would never really do that."
I have to wonder sometimes why people go into so-called helping professions if they don't have the stomach to look under the bed and face the monsters - to stand up for the victims and at least thoroughly investigate complaints.
This was amazingly beautiful!! I cannot express how well written this is. I am a srvivor of Domestic Violence. I survived 10 years of it Stabbings, Broken bones, Car hits, and everything else. I cannot relate with the child portion but can only imagine a child going through this and is helpless and defenseless. Thanks for sharing this with us and a beautiful tribute to the one and only Saddlerider1.
bella
RedElf, I read your comment to one of my poem's a few days ago and you left me wondering what words you offered. Now I find this brilliant scribe of yours and the gifted talent a poet you are indeed. I wept with the angels as I read your gift to me. I am humbly awkward with words right now as my eyes mist up so wet. I pray that thousands will come to this Hub and read it very slowly, kindly and with loving caring hearts for the victims of Abuse. I will share this masterpiece on Facebook, Stumbleupon, Reddit, Digg, Twitter until my fingers are raw.. My sweet friend, you pleased me with your tribute not only to me as a poet, but to the MANY MANY victims of Domestic Violence, I was a lucky survivor and I lived to write of it and God is pleased and my destiny is cast. I now want to gift to you my friend a poem I had just recently written, yet not published. Instead I will not publish it but gift this to you and your many readers in this Comment box. I apologize in advance if it is not acceptable, if that be the case please delete it, I would not be slighted in the least. I just felt it was appropriate for what you have masterfully shared here. Hugs to you for speaking out.
Alone in his Room
From childhood he always was alone and told to speak only when spoken to and could not bring his speech to blossom full nor form the words his bosom ached to hear of love
He could not take his fill of water from the well for sorrow washed away his innocence and kept him still beneath the pillow under head while always alone he drew from stormy seas a life so solace quiet and still that only the mouse that ran across his cracked floor would stop for breath and watch him kill his love of boyhood for the morrow
From the mountains that he wished to climb and like the rocky cliffs and tales of yore he saw the greens and blues of summers last spent and crushed under foot by hooves and heavy wheels that turned only in his nightmares held so closely to his charge
From the heavens that opened up and shed her shades of blue upon his soul he knew that only dragons and demons held the clue to his existence on this surface edge of madness with a lightening speed of hue and falling sand through hour glasses of yesterdays gone by he watched his boyhood slip away and into madness forlorn and lost
Less it be a dream within a dream as Poe so penned froth with misery sadness and woe a boyhood life without an end to melancholy strife and Abuse hidden so deep within his room alone and lost for want of love is all he asked no more than that from whom would listen to his plea alone is he and lost within his dreams of misery all alone he waits for life to reappear once more and set the tone for mother's love for her boy so all alone in his room he weeps but no one hears
Dear friend Hh, I remember your sharing about that on one of the HubMobs. I hope you find healing. I feel that way too, once you hear about one incident, it seems more and more come to light, like turning over an iceberg and realizing what has been hidden for so long.
bellawriter23, Ken is an inspiring kind of guy and a great writer. You are a strong person, and I am so pleased you found my words moving.
I thought I had left a comment here earlier today, along with a poem as a gift to you for writing such a brilliant hub and masterpiece of poetry. Oh well, I guess it got lost or maybe by accident deleted. Thank you for a mention along with my profile link, you are so kind.
Domestic Violence is a sad very sad subject indeed. I pray it will be stamped out some day, no one deserves to be victimized at any age by predators and monsters of the worst kind.
Woman and children especially are mostly the victims of abuse, I felt the sting and it has stayed with me all my life. Big hugs to you and again, thank you for a mention.
Ken I haven't been back to check until just a while ago, but yes, you left me a lovely and wonderful gift. Your poem is a wonderful, terrifying, and humbling work. Thank you so much, I am so touched!
Dear RedElf,
Thank you for bringing this issue of violence against children to light. We cannot talk about it enough, shout it from the roof tops..not more pushing it under the rug..as a retired school nurse I have seen and reported more than my share and I still see their little faces..Thank you for an awesome poem and hub.
God bless,
Sunnie
You are most welcome, Sunnie Day. I agree 100%, and good for you for reporting what you saw.
Fantastic Hub and poem. I hope that many people read this and it somehow helps all that suffer from domestic violence.
Thanks so much, JAS! I hope it can help someone, too.
Your words touched me very deeply, for I too suffered abuse as a child. And though I've written several poems about it, opened up and discussed it, it still haunts me. The terrors of a child unable to defend himself against a drunken ex-marine who wants nothing more than to hurt you for any reason.
Thank you for your poems, they are all beautiful.
Matthew.
Thanks for the hub and tribute to saddlerider, I love his work and him.
I am bipolar and it's hard for me to get by in life without trying very hard to work on myself daily. I just started weight watchers and went on a job interview and go to therapy often. Recently my father came home from a rehab/nursing home and I knew it was a mistake just to save money. My brother drinks vodka and says to me ,If you don't wipe his a## you should go back to your apt, thinking I should be the one doing it. I get alot of insults and it's hard to shake them off when you're so shocked by what they say. I won't go on. But yes it's verbal abuse and it's not fair because it hurts me alot.
Victims need someone else to stand up for them. They often know that if they tell someone, the next step is that will set off a whole questioning of the abuser thing (and they're afraid of what happens after authorities leave the home). I think even children know that the only safe way to get away is to flee the home forever, and most don't want to leave their parents/family forever. Besides, even if a kid is a teen and runs way, much of the time that teen will be dragged back, dragged in for a mental health evaluation, or otherwise find him/herself in trouble. So, the only help (and hope) is to have someone from the outside step in, without the victim being the one who has to speak up.
Besides, speaking up for oneself doesn't always do a lot of good either.
To top of all off, here's an example: I once asked a social worker if the parent(s) could be charged after a tiny infant's skull was fractured. I was told they could not/would not be charged because the baby couldn't speak and be a witness. That baby would eventually become my son, and the birth parent(s) would "skate", without so much as an assault charge against them.
Thank you to Saddlerider for bringing me here
RedElf this hub should be read by everyone. It is a very sad and serious subject and one that is often swept under the carpet,
These things happen all around us and sadly most people are reluctant to get involved.
Not so long ago here in New Zealand a 3 yr old little girl suffered horrendous injuries by other family members while her mother was at work. She was hung on the washing line and spun around then put into a cold bath and then put into a tumble dryer that was turned on. She suffered actions like these over a period of 3 weeks. No less than 7 family members were involved. You would have thought that just 1 of them would have had a human heart and stepped in. Even the mother did nothing to stop it and it was only when she had a seizure that she was taken to the hospital.
Those who were sent to jail no doubt will soon be out and free again. Cruel sadists like this should in my opinion receive the death penalty, that may seem harsh to some but what about the life that innocent 3 year old lost.
Its about time the human race started watching out for each other instead of burying our heads in the sand.
RedElf I take my hat off to you.
A worthwhile hub and I will definitely be putting a link to this on my facebook.
Matthew, a dear friend told me that some wounds are so deep it takes us a long time to heal, but that each time the hurt resurfaces, we can heal a bit more. so pleases the poems were meaningful for you.
schoolgirlforreal, I am a big fan of Ken's writing, too. It's so hard to be around toxic people, especially when you're working so hard on yourself. I hope you can get out of that situation soon.
Lisa, you're right - sometimes it seems best to remain silent because things will just get worse if you speak out. there are certainly no easy answers. I am so glad you were able to be there for that lucky little boy who became your son.
Rosemay50, there are so many sad cases where the punishment meted out to the perpetrators is so small compared to the suffering they inflicted on their victims! As Lisa noted, there are cases where they never are and never will be punished.
You are so right, we must all do everything we can to help wherever we can! Thanks for the link - I hope reading this can help someone speak out and help.
What a Wonderful article. Painful to even think about, but you are right.
If we suspect or know about any abuse we all have to try to bring it into the open. Abuse thrives on secrecy.
Thank you for writing this.
Thanks so much Dim Flaxenwick! It is a painful subject. I am glad you found this - Ken is an inspiration to us all.
I'm glad I found you through saddlerider. Your poems are very thought provoking and meaningful and an important message to get across. Abuse, violent or sexual it needs to be put an end to. and more people need to speak out about it. Thanks for this hub!
This is an extremely touching hub. I will never be able to understand monsters. How do they manage to look and act like people? What is in their hearts and soul that give them the strength to smile and talk as if they are normal human beings? I’ve voted this hub UP in all ways. So sad to know that most monsters are not able to understand the evilness and consequences of their actions.
He sure is !!!
RedElf - Ken was right - indeed a masterpiece. It is surprising isn't it that in this day and age this can still be happening??? I thought it was only because I was brought up in the 1950's that it happened but indeed no. It is unfortunately as I have found out, the "gift that keeps on giving".
Bless you for covering something so tragic and so hurtful to the people who have to endure it. You never fully understand it (from my personal experience) but you try your best to heal it. Talking about it and expressing yourself can help but having people actually understand it and be a supportive force can do more than anything for its victims.
Rated up, beautiful, awesome - all the buttons!
Redelf!
I know naught of what you speak and yet... you brought tears in my eyes and heart as I read your poems for two great persons here on hubpages. There are no words true enough to express the impact of what you wrote on my heart, so all I have left to say is THANK YOU.
Wonderful, heartfelt and thought provoking hub RedElf, and wonderful comments as well!
Nikkij504gurl, you are most welcome. I have written other articles on the subject but Ken was my inspiration for the poems.
Thank so much, MartieCoetser. There seem to be monsters everywhere some days.
Dim Flaxenwick - :D Ken rules
akirchner, thank you so much! You are most kind - and you are also right about being supportive and helping out as best we can. If writing hubs can help bring this out of the dark, then I am happy to do so.
Clairepeek, thanks so much! Ken and his writings are great inspirations.
Enelle, thanks so much! High praise, indeed. The comments are so amazing, too! As good as having another hub on the subject - especially Ken's beautiful and touching poem!
I am so glad to see your Hub reinstated. Your voice is a blessing and must be heard. I decided to publish that poem I gifted you in order for extra support to your vital message.
Added your link in my introductory text box and hope and pray that many will come to read your masterpieces. Bless you for sharing this very important subject/message with all hubbers.
I am also adding my link with the hope that our readers will see we are both very serious about the subject matter written. Hugs to you sweet lady...
More stuff like this should exist. Victims of abuse should never bear the burden of dealing what happened to them alone, if there is someone who can understand and support them through recovery. As usual, poetry can convey some things powerfully in ways that prose can't. Thank you!
Hugs back to you, Ken! I hope everyone who comes here follows all the links!
Glad this hub is live again, too. My bad. I had paraphrased the intro from another hub of mine on violence (for the statistics) and not rewritten it carefully enough, so the hub was taken down. I redid the opening statement and it is actually much better now!
livelonger, thanks so much. You are so right - anything we can do to get the message out, and to help and support recovery is so critical.
Awesome writing RedElf - thank you for sharing and showing so devastating and so wide spread.
It is up to us, the survivors, as well as the one who escaped such a children to watch and help and YELL so the 'fathers', 'uncles', 'mothers' and babysitters who are more than touchy be exposed and driven from society to some place that tolerates their kind, like France.
q
quester.ltd, Thank you so much for coming to read and share. We all need to support each other and keep a vigilant eye out for signs of abuse.
Had to vote up! Beautiful, awesome, and useful. It tears my heart out to know such things go on in this world. But I have to answer your poem above with, "Yes, words do...."
Your words here, speaking out against it is heard and others will listen, it may stop the next one. Besides words are very healing and can ease the pain of those who have been abused. Slowly but surely.
Thank you for speaking for those who are afraid!
Great hub!
Dardia, thanks so much! I hope these words can help raise awareness, and perhaps lead to someone being helped.
RedElf, Ken's hub led me here, and I'm so glad I followed. I cried, of course, it brought back so many memories of things I don't want to remember but I had to leave a comment and tell you that you do pay a wonderful tribute to those who live through abuse, who are and do a wonderful service to help those get help. Most importantly you encourage others to GET INVOLVED. I am so angry when I hear stories of people who witness abuse and then ask "Well, what did you do?" and they say "nothing." Its just unacceptable, so many children and others pray for someone to just jump in. Thank you so much, this is so beautifully written.
Thanks so much, Erin. I have met many wonderful people through Ken. Bless you for your courage. You are so right - we must stand up for the victims!
My heart aches, for the adult children of this world...carrying grown-up pain! Wanting to talk, yet not trusting of anyone? Silenced within their own souls! Thanks for taking a stand, and being open to share. I too pray, that this abuse and violence would stop!
Some are finally able to connect with a caring person who will listen and help. Hopefully, one day all our prayers will be answered as long as we stand up and make our prayers and actions heard.
Heartrendering poetry. I was brought to tears. Child abuse is so prevalent today. I come cases of it daily in school. Beautiful, well written article. Up and amazing.
Thank you so much, Gal. I hope my words can move those who are able, to take action.
Very moving and beautiful.If you yourself were subjected to child abuse, I hope that you have now found inner peace.
Thanks so much for your kind words, rjsadowski. That is my prayer for any who have suffered abuse.
Beautiful beautiful and thank you for speaking out for the abused. I work in a PRTF facility and I am a former Foster parent and I have seen way more than I ever cared to. We can't turn deaf ears from the shouts of pain. These children suffer alone without us. Great poetry.
Thanks so much for your kind words, Naomi's Banner. You are so right - if we turn away and do nothing the abuse will just continue.
There is not enough awareness!!! Bullying isn't the only thing that should be taught in school--these issues should be somehow addressed--too often it is overlooked! Great writing!!!
Thanks so much, Maggie-May! You are so right - everyone who works with children needs to be aware of these issues. Teaching kids about bullying is a start - it may not directly address these issues, but it at least gives some empowerment. I don't understand why more isn't taught - except that some people just don't want to hear.
Pamela99 Level 7 Commenter 10 months ago
This is a very good hub about a serious issue in our society. I liked your poetry and your mention of saddlerider as he has expressed his childhood so well.
I wrote a hub aimed at teens being able to recognize and stay away from abusers, and Hubpages took all the advertising off the article, although it is still published, so I just thought I give you a heads up just in case.
Your article is awesome.